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Valkyriesage
Posts:5


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| 10/17/2012 5:51 PM |
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So my GSP is going to be a year old on Nov. 11. We got her when she was six weeks old, and honestly I can't say that I could envision myself with any other dog. She's smart, athletic (duh), and extremely mischevious.
I just have a general question though. It seems that she will only listen to me, and NOT my boyfriend. She is primarily considered "my" dog, but we have both equally been around her from day one. She seems to have a separation anxiety issue where I am concerned, and although she does display similar behavior when my boyfriend leaves, it apparently isn't nearly as bad as what happens when I leave. Any responses?
Am I just viewed as one of her pack members that's below her, so she's anxious when I'm not doing what she wants? I don't FEEL like this is the case, since she always looks to me for guidance, but then again she is MY first dog. |
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Rose
 MH Posts:362

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| 10/17/2012 7:12 PM |
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Mine will attach to whomever feed, trains and excerises them.
If I am away, they bond with Hubby, and vice versa if he is away.
We always say the same command to them before we leave the house, and do not pet or give them affection before leaving. We started off with leaving for 15 minutes at a time, eventually increasing to several hours. When we come back in the house, we always ignore the dog until they settle down and are not anxious. |
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Valkyriesage
Posts:5


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| 10/17/2012 7:17 PM |
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Thank you! I'll give your suggestion of not giving any attention 15 minutes prior to leaving a try. Usually we keep both dogs in a kennel while we're out, since they're young and no matter how tired we get them they tend to still tear up whatever they find.
Even still though, when I'm away he says she STILL won't listen to him, perhaps 25% of the time she will obey and the rest of the time is a gamble. Any advice on how to improve his control? Assuming that he does involve himself on working with her on obedience and such. |
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smatulewicz Michigan
 MH Posts:1191


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| 10/17/2012 7:50 PM |
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I had always heard that SA was the dog panicking because it sees itself as in charge of the pack and when you are gone they feel they have failed and that results in the anxiety. Now that I have a dog with an incredibly strong bond to me, and who clearly sees my husband and me as her leaders...I don't agree fully with that train of thought. IMO, 1. dogs are pack animals and don't ever feel quite right being completely on their own, 2. a pack dog would feel lost and cast out on its own if lost its leader, and 3. (and not humanize their emotions here) but I think she loves us and is bored and lonely without us. I will say that when I am in an off season and I'm home daily for about two months, her anxiety without me is greatly heightened. When I go back to work, it takes her about 2-3 weeks to fully adjust. When we leave her at home, we didn't like the idea of just leaving. No fuss is made, we simply say at the door "You stay" so she knows she is not going with. This works nice because she knows what to expect. We too make no fuss over leaving, and whereas I don't make a fuss when I come home...my husband LOVES the big greeting. If there is a major difference in the way you would see her being with the two of us, it is definitely in the way she acts when we arrive home. When I arrive home, she knows she MUST sit before I will even pay any attention to her. So she squeaks trying so hard for about a minute...whole body wiggling, until it's like she holds her breath and forces herself to sit and stay calm. When my husband arrives home...he allows her jump up and she knows it. But, she has learned what she can get away with us...and I suspect your dog has learned the same with you and your boyfriend. she clearly does not see him as a leader if she is not obeying. He needs to 1. not give any commands he cannot reinforce or that he does not intend to, and 2. he needs to be clear and consistent in what his expectations are. You guys need to be using the same commands for the same things so there is no confusion about who expects what. There are many ways to reinforce leader status throughout a day. Does your boyfriend actively train with her or simply give commands that you use and have taught. Does he ever feed your dog? (My husband and I like to swap out feeding shifts so one of us is feeding at least one of the meals a day if possible). |
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kpwlee Raleigh, NC
 MH Posts:996


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| 10/18/2012 6:45 AM |
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I do not subscribe to the SA theory that says the dog thinks they are in charge - of course that isn't a mentality I agree with most of the time I think dogs need structure which you define but the whole alpha thing is nuts to me. They do need to have a common language with you - a method of communicating. When we work with a dog we develop a communication system - that is what training is - and that bond gets deeper and deeper with the more you do and with time. In my house, Bugsy is my dog. He has always been more naturally responsive to men BUT I am the one that trains him, takes him to the vet, exercises him, and generally feeds him. Our connection is a million times stronger than his with my DH. DH & I had our fair share of arguments early on because I would teach Bugsy commands and my husband would use a different word for the same action. (geez thinking back to it still makes me livid) When I would go away (overnight work or short trips) Bugsy would always make DH nuts. He would stay outside and refuse to come in. He generally wouldn't listen to DH. I realized fairly quickly that DH hadn't spent enough time developing a communication system with Bugsy so I had DH do some rudimentary training with him so he at least had developed that connection. DH travels fairly frequently for work so Bugsy is fine with him leaving - he's always super glad when he comes back - but he hates when I leave LOL So I think your boyfriend needs to develop a communication system with her - its easy enough to do in 10 minutes a day (just do basic commands together). She may always align with you more strongly but he needs to make a better effort to connect to her. |
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It's Bugsy's world... http://dailyzoomie.blogspot.com/ |
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Valkyriesage
Posts:5


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| 10/18/2012 7:27 AM |
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This makes a lot of sense. I did teach him the commands I give her, and correct him when he goes back to his old ways... as in, I give her a command once, and if she doesn't obey it we aren't doing ANYTHING until she does, and she knows it. He has the habit (which always makes me want to slap the back of his hand and say NO!) of giving a command, then repeating it multiple times, which I think has a lot to do with why she won't listen. I guess in general I'm the more stern one- I like to play, but I always expect to be obeyed first before the fun begins. He's more of the one that likes to wrestle and just go with the flow.
I'm definitely going to recommend that he spend more time doing basic stuff with her, because someone mentioned that when they leave, I think it was Bugsy? that would stay out in the yard and almost refuse to come in. The same thing happens with her. He can call her, offer treats, offer toys, and NOTHING will convince her to come back in unless she wants something inside. Usually she just looks at him then blatantly disregards, which makes me giggle a little even though I know it isn't good, since he tries so hard to be manly and in command all the time. She definitely loves him, she loves almost everyone, but there's a level of jealousy she gets when I give attention to other dogs (I know people say dogs don't get jealous, but I beg to differ when she comes and weasles her way between me and our other dog, or when she comes trying to get my attention with a toy when I'm visiting another dog at the dog park) .
Anyways, thank you again for the helpful comments and tips! |
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smatulewicz Michigan
 MH Posts:1191


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| 10/18/2012 4:36 PM |
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I think having him be consistent and spend more time is your best bet. I agree with Bugsy's mom on hating the alpha/dominate train of thought. Which is why I like to use the word "leaders". We don't dominate Bella, we set the routine, the structure, the expectations. If your boyfriend is repeating commands over and over again, and I suspect at times probably giving up when she finally won't do a thing...your dog has learned that (example) "sit" for you means...SIT. But that for your boyfriend SIT for him means "sit. Sit..Siiiiiit....SIT" and then perhaps no requirement what so ever. I wouldn't even doubt that isn't even somewhat amused by his attempts. I also agree with Bugsy's mom on communication. I have a well trained dog...but if people she doesn't know come over and start giving commands (usually in a asking tone rather than a telling tone), she, with a big smile on her face, does nothing but wag her butt and attempt to kiss them all over. Once I snap my fingers and let her know I'm paying attention to if she is paying attention to what she is being asked to do...she "performs". My friends that have learned to engage with her the same way we do, she responds great to them. Word of advice with the boyfriend...let him feel like your in this with him and that you aren't "teaching" or "training" him on how to fix it...men don't like it LOL. My husband and I have done pretty good at agreeing on our training (with the exception of going back and forth about what words to use and a few other things). But, I can see his eyes glaze over and him begin to feel totally over it if I start "teaching" rather than training "with" him as a team. lol |
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Valkyriesage
Posts:5


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| 10/18/2012 4:58 PM |
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| That glazed look is a classic, I notice it happen from time to time when, like you said, I "teach" him what he has to do. I don't know anyone in this area with a GSP, so I'm glad to hear and see that others have ones with the sammmmmeeee sort of habits and tendencies haha, crazy and silly dogs, but I couldn't imagine anything different even though to some people she's a handful! |
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Texas Belle Austin, TX
 MH Posts:7843


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| 10/18/2012 9:43 PM |
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| Sounds to me like she has the boyfriend very well trained. He needs to say what he means and mean what he says. Give the command one time and then make her do it if she blows him off. The pup has already figured out she doesn't have to respond because there is no consequence. I would have the boyfriend do some training with her. He has to be consistent though in his training and follow through. Maybe if there is some activity the boyfriend and pup can do together that requires training. Maybe something like frisbee. That could utilizes site, stays, retrieves, etc., or get them working on tracking. If you can find an activity that he likes doing with the dog then there is a purpose and goal to the training. |
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Bev Quarles, the Pointer Sisters (Belle and Halo), the Outlaw GSP (Johnny Ringo) and the little Princess (Fauna)
Yellow Rose GSPs
"A dog has the soul of a philosopher." - Plato |
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