Thanks again, everyone!  It has been the worst couple of weeks of my life and the house, garden, riverside, bedroom, sofa etc (i could go on forever) is a reminder of the fact that she is no longer with us.  It still feels quite surreal because she was the centre of everything to us.  I find that i am gradually accepting that she is gone although we are still waiting for the post mortem results.  I find this very difficult to say because i think some people have strong views about it, but we are getting a puppy next month.  We have reserved a solid black gsp bitch - we wanted a dog who looked very different so that we wouldnt subconsciously be hoping it would act like Kintra.  We did a lot of soul searching over the 48 hrs and realised that we couldnt live without a dog.  It took us a while to admit that to each other.  We thought long and hard about the guilt of seemingly replacing Kintra but the truth is that she made such an impact on us and brought so much love to our lives (i know, cheesy but true) that we have to move forward.  She will always be our special girl and will never be forgotten.  I know to some it may seem very soon.  Whenever i thought about losing her (i always thought we had at least 10 years with her) i always thought i couldnt possibly get another dog but we just cant possibly live without a lovely wee soul in the house after her.  Its really testament to how much she brought to our lives and how much we enjoyed having her.  I know our wee pup will be an individual in its own right and i cant wait to get to know her, i'm just so sad that Kintra never got to meet her and that she will never get to meet Kintra xx

Non dog people just don't understand what our dogs do to our hearts. There is a big hole there when they cross the rainbow bridge. Memories of Kintra will always be there. A new pup will help ease the quietness left. Glad to hear you are getting a new little one. She will never replace Kintra but you will make new memories and soon, she, too will have such a big part of your heart!

I am glad you've made that decision and the anticipation should make the next few weeks easier.  When my Clio died in 2001, leaving us "dogless" for the first time in 30 years, I contacted a GSP rescue within a couple of days.  I was embarrassed to admit that so I told them she'd been gone 3 weeks, but I suspect they'd have understood.  Best of luck with your new wee one, who will have an angel watching over her for sure. 

Thanks to you all.  It's very easy for us to say that we dont care what other people think about our decision but any negative reaction to our decision makes us feel really guilty, but luckily everyone has been supportive.  We are surrounded by dog lovers so most reactions have been very positive.  I cant believe it was a week ago just now that i was sitting in the house with Kintra, very much in pain.  When i woke up this morning i remembered also that a week ago i had woken to find her just standing next to the bed, not moving and not reacting when i spoke to her or touched her - this in a way has reinforced the fact that we took her to the right place - just sad that we never got to say goodbye.  I think also today is the first day we have had to revert back to our old routine but without her.  I would have lay in bed with her for 20 mins while my other half got ready for work, then i would get up, let her out for a pee and she would sit on the garden table surveying the garden while i made breakfast.  She would then get excited because the neighbours and their labs would walk by.  Then she would come inside for a dental chew and a bit of jammy toast, then back outside to say hello to the stud farmer (who asbsolutely adored her ).  Then we would go to the nearby riverside walk where she would run/sniff/run/sniff/treat/sniff/run etc  We would come home and she would run around the garden until getting lifted into my other half's car to go to work with him.  I would give her a treat, say goodbye and tell her i loved  her, then they would drive away, and what really hurts is that as they drove away my other half would put on the rear wiper to clear the rear screen and i would see her wee face watching me as i waved them away.  Sorry for the long post, just seem to have this obsession with recording all my memories before they fade. 

I also wanted to ask you all a strange question.  She was spoiled. I had made beds for her for the car, bedroom, living room and she has tonnes of toys and blankets, travel equipment (you all probably understand how exciting it is to by things for them ) water bowls (which i finally managed to wash yesterday after building up to it for a couple of days ).  I want to re-use them for the new pup.  I cant possibly get rid of them and i dont want to store them somewhere and forget about them.  I know its a strange question but what should i do with the stuff?  i feel comfortable giving them to the new pup (aside from the things that she may rip apart) but wonder if it's a shame for the pup.  What do you all think?  I'm sorry for all the depressing, rambling posts but i really value your opinions because i know a lot of you have experienced this yourselved.  Thanks in advance.

I think it is a great idea to record your memories of Kintra. Do it now while they are still fresh. Date and place any photos you have so you remember. I made a web page for my long time companion of 12+ years, Moon. I need to do one for Sunshine. Terra has one with her lost dog information. I read somewhere that reminiscing about the past helps people heal.

http://www.hickoryspurfarm.com/My_Friend_Moon_1.htm

Getting another dog is a good idea, I think. It just doesn't feel right if I don't have a dog to keep me company.

You might be able to donate some of the "stuff" to a shelter or rescue if you want to have the fun of buying new "stuff" for your new girl!  My personal "vice" is fancy collars. . .just ordered some new ones for Christmas with big bells! 

I lost Jasper (the brown one in my avatar) very suddenly about a year ago.  Every now and then I tap my chest and say "Hi, sweetie-boo" because I know he's there in my heart forever. 

We just got the post mortem results back.  She had an enlarged liver with a lesion, an enlarged gall bladder, an inflammation on her pancreas, fluid around her lungs, a mass on her chest/heart, fluid in her abdomen and severe jaundice.  Her vet is pretty sure that it was a form of cancer and that we will get the cytology results on friday.  We are absolutely gutted and are just hoping and praying that our gorgeous,clever, loving little baby wasnt suffering for long before we realised that she was ill.  Still cant believe it could be cancer at two and a half years old .    The leptospirosis test came back negative but just worrying that the change in diet may have caused a problem in her pancreas and subsequently worsened any other problems, i'll never forgive myself.  It just seems too much of a coincidence that she fell ill approx 1.5 months after i started changing her diet.  I did do it gradually and really researched it but i'm so worried (i know thats selfish).

Thanks everyone.  Cant believe she's been gone a week although we actually feel as if its a lot longer because we havent actually seen her being herself for about 2 and a half weeks - trying really hard to hold on to the memories.  At 3pm this afternoon it'll be exactly a week and i'm going to pour a glass of wine and raise it to my baby girl.  We're both constantly going from feeling really sad one minute, to really happy thinking about her, to really excited/nervous about the new pup.  but sometimes i'm just really pragmatic about it, realising that nothing will bring her back and that we have to get on with our lives, so i think we are getting better.  We should have the cytology results today to tell us where the cancer was, and tomorrow we go on a 4 hour journey to see our wee black gsp girl - what a rollercoaster of emotions!! i will post some pics of the pup if i can contain myself for long enough to get my camera out  a little worried too about tomorrow because the mum looks very much like Kintra, so the breeder will have to deal with a greetin-faced, snottery-nosed, red-eyed, blubbering wreck of a scottish girl, poor him

Hope you're all well and love n cuddles to your doggies xxx