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If one dog is growling to start things, he is the one you need to focus on. I guess it sounds harsh, but his butt would be hurting the second I said Ahhh and he did not back down. He HAS to know this behavior is not tolerated.
Wow, if all it takes is a hat, I'd give the wife a BIG one!! Seriously, if she cannot handle things I would definetly keep them separated while gone. They do not need to know they can get away with anything.